software jokes 2

manager takes an interview for candidate

manager: where do u stay?how did u come
candidate: I stay at secbad.... i came by auto

manager: why secbad.come to kukatpally and stay here. you have 5 cinema theatres and all shopping mallls here.Buy Maruti Ritz car do not come by auto.
candidate: does not know wat to say,He thinks if I get your salary i will buy benz only why ritz.


manager: Tell me abt yourself
candidate:MY name is blah...blah... .I eat biryani during lunch.I have 2 glasses of cool drink.My hobbies r sleeping, sleeping,sleeping...........

Manager:No donot eat biryani .Its carconeginic.Cooldrink is not good for health.Eat only curdrice.Why not sitting and standing is ur hobby .Please make them as ur hobbies tooooo
Candidate: Does not know whether he is giving intrview or came for health consultation..

Manager: What is Java
candidate: JAVA is blah ....blah..........

manager: why it is not 'j' , 'a', 'v', 'a' .Wht is diffrence between java and c++
Candidate:Tells correct answer
manager: No, its wrong c++ has ++ in it.java doesnot have ++.
candidate: yeh kyaaa pagal hai..........

manager:If i remove 1 from 100 how much is it?
candidate: 99 .thinking he is selected..

manager: its 2 . coz removing 1 from 100 leaves u with two zeroes.Hence two is answer.
candidate: this interview is gone....I am out, no doubt .....

manager: there are 12 stations btween hyd and vijayawada,26 districts in AP, 7lakh population in hyderabad.Can you guess what is my age is .
candidate:> Mind blocked.Yeh kyaa ques hai....He thinks and answers 46 years.

manager: How did u say correctly...
candidate: There is semi crack guy opp my house whose age is 23 years....

manager: girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............Next ques....what is ur expected sal
candidate:1o lakhs

manager: for 10 years?see for past 2 years i dont have any hike, bonus u also dont expect it.we will give u 10laks for 10 years and this is the best package in this product industry .U can expect hike when our product is ready and is up in market after 5 years.But dont expect the hike to be greater than 1000rs.
candidate: totally confused. but coz of recession he is curious abt joining company.What is the product about.....

Manager: The product is milk product....now we have this product which is doodh peda(pluto) .We need to upgrade it to kalakand(ariel) so that customers like it well.There are few insects (bugs) in our product that we need to clean and project as fresh product.Already one customer from saudi has tasted our product and currently is in semi comatose state.After the maintenance pack release ( upgradation to kalakand) more customers are expected and based on their health conditions we may sell more numbers of milk product.You will have to clean all insects in doodh peda and make the peda as kalakand.Some times there may be insects which impact performance.They are low hanging fruits which are to be cleaned up......We are no 1 in making doodh peda and soon would be top 1 in making kalakand..

candidate:kahaa agayaaa hooon.I dont want to be part of this product.I will also become buggy like him '(manager) after few more days.But he reminds his flash back...... blind sister,legless mother, handless father, pennyless brother, motionless grandmother, speechless grandfather he has to accept the job based on the financial condition of his family because of his mindless manager..... story continues.........................................