Appraisal Discussion - Interesting

Manager: This time also I am rating you as met the expectations.I know you are a productive but little domain expertise can make u a star.And far more product knowledge can make you a moon among the stars.You can be mega star if u listen to my words else, u will b a disaste(a)r.Here are the reasons why I rated u so
1) I asked u test 100 test cases per day , but u tested only 99
2) I asked u to fix 10 bugs per day, but u fixed only 9
3) I asked u to attend 10 meetings per day , but u attended 9 meetings including lunch
4) I asked u to go to loo only 20 times per day but u went 25 times which is far below my expectations.
5) I asked u to go to pantry once a day but u went 10 times a day which is below my expectations.
6) I asked u to skip lunch but u took dinner, lunch and also snacks which again is below my expectations.
7) I said no to coffee, cool drinks, but still ur drinking 10 cups of coffee per day which is below expectations.
8) I asked u not to talk to any one , but u cant resist from talking on phone 10 times a day and with ur colleagues
9) I ask u to provide status daily, but u provide me status yearly
10) When I call u at late midnight u are sleeping and u dont lift phone which is sin u committed this year.

candidate:but i think i worked for 12 hrs a day during this period, i did quality work , though i know company is not giving hike or promotion i worked a lot.i want better rating .

Manager: Nityananda baba says " dont expect hike vike.Do your duty and rest leave to god."I negotiated well before joining this company and i am happy though i dont get hike for 4 years.If you want i can give a cd of nityananda .You can hear to them and obtain a spiritual bliss .

candidate: you get 30 lakhs / annum and if u give me same salary i will b happy for more than 4 years.I dont want any nityananda or dayananda , they are frauds.

Manager: patience, perseverence, persistence is your mantra dont loose out.Become a star no body can stop you.you have to still improve on your skills,I know you performed better than any other in team, u worked for 12 hrs daily , u stayed late nights and some times u did the work of security or late night watchman but still i cant .......

candidate: tell me what u can do for me.No hike , vike .no promotion , no bonus i dont see any reason to stay in this company.....

Manager: Dont make hasty decisions...in a long run u will be benefited with better knowledge of product....my friends go by audi car though i go by indica xeta gls as i compromised with the decision of being for long time with company..

Candidate: Please dont tell me cock and bull stories.tell me when we can get hike .

Manager: I think it should take not take more than 3 years to get hike and that too if you are top performer u can get valuable 5 percent which no other person in this business unit gets.So strive for this...

Candidate: I think its better to leave this company and search for new job,
gadhon ke liye kaam karne se , Kudh ke liye kaam karna accha hai.(Its better to work for oneself than working for donkeys)

Manager: u ppl always commit the same mistake .Please listen to my words , iam like ur guru ,u will shine like a star if u listen to my words.

Candidate: If I listen to your words then my career will be at stake ..

Manager: No , No dont say like that i can draft your career well believe me.Do you have any thing to say other than hike, bonus, promotion.

Candidate: No i dont have any thing to say except few words about you..You are like Ghajini who have short term memory loss , when you go to toilet u remember everything but after u come back from toilet u forget every damn thing.I dont know if your memory is flushed in loo ,also when we say some thing technically u dont pay attention, u pretend as if you pay attention ( kya gadhon ko samjaa rahe kyaaa ham ) .Your memory is so volatile that it refreshes automatically every 5 minutes worser than ghajini.If some one is chit chatting then u quickly come to them asking them for status of work.I dont think u want to see people laughing in your team.Also u insult others infront of me which is very cheap tactics .

Manager: No , dont say like that.I am better manager than any manager in other team.My memory flushes every 5 minutes but others it flushes every 1 minute.I cant resist my self from going loo because i get innovative ideas in loo and every time i come back from loo i am totally refreshed with new set of ideas .Hence I enjoy going to loo every 15 minutes and atmosphere in Loo is so refreshing that I sometimes think of shifting my workstation to Loo.yes some times i dont pay attention when there is a technical discussion as i am thinking about my sons career.He lost a match against person who was 3 years senior to him.Since then i am not able to concentrate .But believe me in one year i can be person with more memory whose refreshing rate is 6 minutes.I promise that my memory flush rate improves by 1 minute in next year making me better manager than any other one in this business unit.I always want ppl to work more and talk less hence i am sadistic in my approach in assigning tasks.I give lot of tasks to married ladies and bachelors are my favourites as they dont have any task to do at home.They can stay in office for more time.It gives me kick if I insult someone infront of you.I really feel happy when I do that.Music is my passion and I sing lot of songs..

Candidate: I never saw this kind of manager in my career.If this continues it is difficult for me to continue in team .Good Bye........

Moral of the discussion is if u feel like quitting the company then do it and there is no point in discussion with your boss as they try to give fundas which are not going to happen ....