A new joinee (s/w engineer) joins the company with much excitement and enthusiasm.During the beginning days he does not have much work to do except browsing .chatting with ladies, drinking kinley water, sitting in loo (fitted with a/c) for hours, drinking company owned tea/ coffee, chit chatting with friends on silly topics like hike, bonus , increment etc.On one fine day he came to know that he was nominated for training on asseriveness skills workshop and no other team member was nominated.Looking at this he feels proud to be solo member in team who got this oppurtunity to attend the training .But after a while he comes to know that he was poor in communication and was made to attend the training.Similarly he attends all the trainings on soft skills and two two technical trainings .After two years , he feels that he does not get hike or bonus and asks his manager regarding this.His manager says "the following are expenses incurred on u on training BY company
1) assertiveness skills training- 30000
2) communication training 30000
3) JAVA TRAINING 30000
4) SQL TRAINING 25000
5) COOL DRINKS 5500
6) BISCUITS 5000
7) TEA 5000
8) AC AFTER 6 PM 10000
9) LIGHTS 10000
10) transport by cabs 40000
total 190000
the above amount is spent by company on u for 1 year .Please treat this as hike for next 5 years and dont come to me for hike , bonus and promotion. I think u got very good hike by looking above figure which no body got....."
Finally , the joinee is confessed to have joined such company and working under such a boss and searches new job
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Marriage trials of software engineer
A dejected software engineer desparately wants to get married and starts marriage trials. This is how the conversation happens b/w the boy and girl during their first meeting.
boy: tell me abt ur self
girl: does not know what to say , says her name.
boy: ok, do u know java,c++
girl: I know .net
boy: ok what are ur requirements and how do u want ur husband to be?
girl: I want him to know .net, sql but not java .He should not work in product based company and that too under a manager who previously worked for service based company for 12 years.
boy: does not know wat to say..." ok , but i know only java and not .net , so can I think i did not meet ur expectations...
girl: no , do not think like that my main criteria is that u should not work for manager who is managing maintenance team and previously worked for service based company..
boy: ok , but why are u having this criteria?
girl: because those bosses are like worms who eat away the brains of sub ordinates and they do nt allow their subordinates to spend their lives happily....
boy: I agree with u ...
girl: u have to and why are u worried ,don't u meet all my criteria or exceeding my expectations.
boy: first of all , i dont know .net and work for manager who is managing support team and worked for service based company previously for 12 years.
girl: then , i cant do any thing , i have barked the wrong tree instead of trying low hanging fruits first.Please try ur chance with some other girl and only way u can get married is to quit the company or stop working for that manager other wise ur career will be in abeyance.
boy: yes i agree with u and ill try my best.....
boy: tell me abt ur self
girl: does not know what to say , says her name.
boy: ok, do u know java,c++
girl: I know .net
boy: ok what are ur requirements and how do u want ur husband to be?
girl: I want him to know .net, sql but not java .He should not work in product based company and that too under a manager who previously worked for service based company for 12 years.
boy: does not know wat to say..." ok , but i know only java and not .net , so can I think i did not meet ur expectations...
girl: no , do not think like that my main criteria is that u should not work for manager who is managing maintenance team and previously worked for service based company..
boy: ok , but why are u having this criteria?
girl: because those bosses are like worms who eat away the brains of sub ordinates and they do nt allow their subordinates to spend their lives happily....
boy: I agree with u ...
girl: u have to and why are u worried ,don't u meet all my criteria or exceeding my expectations.
boy: first of all , i dont know .net and work for manager who is managing support team and worked for service based company previously for 12 years.
girl: then , i cant do any thing , i have barked the wrong tree instead of trying low hanging fruits first.Please try ur chance with some other girl and only way u can get married is to quit the company or stop working for that manager other wise ur career will be in abeyance.
boy: yes i agree with u and ill try my best.....
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Appraisal Discussion - Interesting
Manager: This time also I am rating you as met the expectations.I know you are a productive but little domain expertise can make u a star.And far more product knowledge can make you a moon among the stars.You can be mega star if u listen to my words else, u will b a disaste(a)r.Here are the reasons why I rated u so
1) I asked u test 100 test cases per day , but u tested only 99
2) I asked u to fix 10 bugs per day, but u fixed only 9
3) I asked u to attend 10 meetings per day , but u attended 9 meetings including lunch
4) I asked u to go to loo only 20 times per day but u went 25 times which is far below my expectations.
5) I asked u to go to pantry once a day but u went 10 times a day which is below my expectations.
6) I asked u to skip lunch but u took dinner, lunch and also snacks which again is below my expectations.
7) I said no to coffee, cool drinks, but still ur drinking 10 cups of coffee per day which is below expectations.
8) I asked u not to talk to any one , but u cant resist from talking on phone 10 times a day and with ur colleagues
9) I ask u to provide status daily, but u provide me status yearly
10) When I call u at late midnight u are sleeping and u dont lift phone which is sin u committed this year.
candidate:but i think i worked for 12 hrs a day during this period, i did quality work , though i know company is not giving hike or promotion i worked a lot.i want better rating .
Manager: Nityananda baba says " dont expect hike vike.Do your duty and rest leave to god."I negotiated well before joining this company and i am happy though i dont get hike for 4 years.If you want i can give a cd of nityananda .You can hear to them and obtain a spiritual bliss .
candidate: you get 30 lakhs / annum and if u give me same salary i will b happy for more than 4 years.I dont want any nityananda or dayananda , they are frauds.
Manager: patience, perseverence, persistence is your mantra dont loose out.Become a star no body can stop you.you have to still improve on your skills,I know you performed better than any other in team, u worked for 12 hrs daily , u stayed late nights and some times u did the work of security or late night watchman but still i cant .......
candidate: tell me what u can do for me.No hike , vike .no promotion , no bonus i dont see any reason to stay in this company.....
Manager: Dont make hasty decisions...in a long run u will be benefited with better knowledge of product....my friends go by audi car though i go by indica xeta gls as i compromised with the decision of being for long time with company..
Candidate: Please dont tell me cock and bull stories.tell me when we can get hike .
Manager: I think it should take not take more than 3 years to get hike and that too if you are top performer u can get valuable 5 percent which no other person in this business unit gets.So strive for this...
Candidate: I think its better to leave this company and search for new job,
gadhon ke liye kaam karne se , Kudh ke liye kaam karna accha hai.(Its better to work for oneself than working for donkeys)
Manager: u ppl always commit the same mistake .Please listen to my words , iam like ur guru ,u will shine like a star if u listen to my words.
Candidate: If I listen to your words then my career will be at stake ..
Manager: No , No dont say like that i can draft your career well believe me.Do you have any thing to say other than hike, bonus, promotion.
Candidate: No i dont have any thing to say except few words about you..You are like Ghajini who have short term memory loss , when you go to toilet u remember everything but after u come back from toilet u forget every damn thing.I dont know if your memory is flushed in loo ,also when we say some thing technically u dont pay attention, u pretend as if you pay attention ( kya gadhon ko samjaa rahe kyaaa ham ) .Your memory is so volatile that it refreshes automatically every 5 minutes worser than ghajini.If some one is chit chatting then u quickly come to them asking them for status of work.I dont think u want to see people laughing in your team.Also u insult others infront of me which is very cheap tactics .
Manager: No , dont say like that.I am better manager than any manager in other team.My memory flushes every 5 minutes but others it flushes every 1 minute.I cant resist my self from going loo because i get innovative ideas in loo and every time i come back from loo i am totally refreshed with new set of ideas .Hence I enjoy going to loo every 15 minutes and atmosphere in Loo is so refreshing that I sometimes think of shifting my workstation to Loo.yes some times i dont pay attention when there is a technical discussion as i am thinking about my sons career.He lost a match against person who was 3 years senior to him.Since then i am not able to concentrate .But believe me in one year i can be person with more memory whose refreshing rate is 6 minutes.I promise that my memory flush rate improves by 1 minute in next year making me better manager than any other one in this business unit.I always want ppl to work more and talk less hence i am sadistic in my approach in assigning tasks.I give lot of tasks to married ladies and bachelors are my favourites as they dont have any task to do at home.They can stay in office for more time.It gives me kick if I insult someone infront of you.I really feel happy when I do that.Music is my passion and I sing lot of songs..
Candidate: I never saw this kind of manager in my career.If this continues it is difficult for me to continue in team .Good Bye........
Moral of the discussion is if u feel like quitting the company then do it and there is no point in discussion with your boss as they try to give fundas which are not going to happen ....
1) I asked u test 100 test cases per day , but u tested only 99
2) I asked u to fix 10 bugs per day, but u fixed only 9
3) I asked u to attend 10 meetings per day , but u attended 9 meetings including lunch
4) I asked u to go to loo only 20 times per day but u went 25 times which is far below my expectations.
5) I asked u to go to pantry once a day but u went 10 times a day which is below my expectations.
6) I asked u to skip lunch but u took dinner, lunch and also snacks which again is below my expectations.
7) I said no to coffee, cool drinks, but still ur drinking 10 cups of coffee per day which is below expectations.
8) I asked u not to talk to any one , but u cant resist from talking on phone 10 times a day and with ur colleagues
9) I ask u to provide status daily, but u provide me status yearly
10) When I call u at late midnight u are sleeping and u dont lift phone which is sin u committed this year.
candidate:but i think i worked for 12 hrs a day during this period, i did quality work , though i know company is not giving hike or promotion i worked a lot.i want better rating .
Manager: Nityananda baba says " dont expect hike vike.Do your duty and rest leave to god."I negotiated well before joining this company and i am happy though i dont get hike for 4 years.If you want i can give a cd of nityananda .You can hear to them and obtain a spiritual bliss .
candidate: you get 30 lakhs / annum and if u give me same salary i will b happy for more than 4 years.I dont want any nityananda or dayananda , they are frauds.
Manager: patience, perseverence, persistence is your mantra dont loose out.Become a star no body can stop you.you have to still improve on your skills,I know you performed better than any other in team, u worked for 12 hrs daily , u stayed late nights and some times u did the work of security or late night watchman but still i cant .......
candidate: tell me what u can do for me.No hike , vike .no promotion , no bonus i dont see any reason to stay in this company.....
Manager: Dont make hasty decisions...in a long run u will be benefited with better knowledge of product....my friends go by audi car though i go by indica xeta gls as i compromised with the decision of being for long time with company..
Candidate: Please dont tell me cock and bull stories.tell me when we can get hike .
Manager: I think it should take not take more than 3 years to get hike and that too if you are top performer u can get valuable 5 percent which no other person in this business unit gets.So strive for this...
Candidate: I think its better to leave this company and search for new job,
gadhon ke liye kaam karne se , Kudh ke liye kaam karna accha hai.(Its better to work for oneself than working for donkeys)
Manager: u ppl always commit the same mistake .Please listen to my words , iam like ur guru ,u will shine like a star if u listen to my words.
Candidate: If I listen to your words then my career will be at stake ..
Manager: No , No dont say like that i can draft your career well believe me.Do you have any thing to say other than hike, bonus, promotion.
Candidate: No i dont have any thing to say except few words about you..You are like Ghajini who have short term memory loss , when you go to toilet u remember everything but after u come back from toilet u forget every damn thing.I dont know if your memory is flushed in loo ,also when we say some thing technically u dont pay attention, u pretend as if you pay attention ( kya gadhon ko samjaa rahe kyaaa ham ) .Your memory is so volatile that it refreshes automatically every 5 minutes worser than ghajini.If some one is chit chatting then u quickly come to them asking them for status of work.I dont think u want to see people laughing in your team.Also u insult others infront of me which is very cheap tactics .
Manager: No , dont say like that.I am better manager than any manager in other team.My memory flushes every 5 minutes but others it flushes every 1 minute.I cant resist my self from going loo because i get innovative ideas in loo and every time i come back from loo i am totally refreshed with new set of ideas .Hence I enjoy going to loo every 15 minutes and atmosphere in Loo is so refreshing that I sometimes think of shifting my workstation to Loo.yes some times i dont pay attention when there is a technical discussion as i am thinking about my sons career.He lost a match against person who was 3 years senior to him.Since then i am not able to concentrate .But believe me in one year i can be person with more memory whose refreshing rate is 6 minutes.I promise that my memory flush rate improves by 1 minute in next year making me better manager than any other one in this business unit.I always want ppl to work more and talk less hence i am sadistic in my approach in assigning tasks.I give lot of tasks to married ladies and bachelors are my favourites as they dont have any task to do at home.They can stay in office for more time.It gives me kick if I insult someone infront of you.I really feel happy when I do that.Music is my passion and I sing lot of songs..
Candidate: I never saw this kind of manager in my career.If this continues it is difficult for me to continue in team .Good Bye........
Moral of the discussion is if u feel like quitting the company then do it and there is no point in discussion with your boss as they try to give fundas which are not going to happen ....
Saturday, September 12, 2009
GANESH AUDIO REVIEW
KEEP GLUED FOR LATEST GANESH AUDIO REVIEW.
Mickey who delivered music for movies kotta bangaru lokam, happy days is back with latest chartbuster GANESH.Let us see how the songs are
'tanemundo' is the song which is typical mickey j mayer's song which sounds similar to 'nenani nuvvani' of kotta bangaru lokam.the song is soothing and pleasent to hear.
'lalaai' is the song with the folk touch with a bit of versatility on mickey's part.But the blend of folk and western makes the song with mickey's own mark.The word 'tooototooo' is very catchy and makes the song humming.
'telisina' is another song which is female solo song by srimathumita.This is another song which comes with 'yelai yelai' in the background.this is Again the different type of song from mickey's plate .
'raja kumari' is the mix of western and a bit of punjabi touch.this is song again in different direction from mickey 's album.
Mickey who delivered music for movies kotta bangaru lokam, happy days is back with latest chartbuster GANESH.Let us see how the songs are
'tanemundo' is the song which is typical mickey j mayer's song which sounds similar to 'nenani nuvvani' of kotta bangaru lokam.the song is soothing and pleasent to hear.
'lalaai' is the song with the folk touch with a bit of versatility on mickey's part.But the blend of folk and western makes the song with mickey's own mark.The word 'tooototooo' is very catchy and makes the song humming.
'telisina' is another song which is female solo song by srimathumita.This is another song which comes with 'yelai yelai' in the background.this is Again the different type of song from mickey's plate .
'chalo chalore' reminds us of 'avunu nizam ' sing of athadu movie.the guitar work is very much similar to that song.
'raja kumari' is the mix of western and a bit of punjabi touch.this is song again in different direction from mickey 's album.
'raja maharaja' is song about lord ganesha.this song could have been better , the song doesnot have enough substance for mass audiences though it is intended at them.
overa ll Ganesh music is good , but songs rank below the music.but it has all the ingredients to become chartbuster. ,
overa ll Ganesh music is good , but songs rank below the music.but it has all the ingredients to become chartbuster. ,
Saturday, September 5, 2009
antarvedi trip
i like to explore new places.in that process i happened to visit antartvedi near narasapur in andhra pradesh.i had to take narasapur express from hyd at 21:45 hrs to narasapur.i reached narasapur at 9 am next day.the taxis were present which take us to antarvedi from there.there are two options to reach antarvedi .one has to cross the godavari river in narasapur and from the other end of godavari river we can take an auto to antarvedi which 19 km from there.other way is to go through chinchinada bridge and it comes around 40km by taxis. i have reached antarvedi at 10:30 am in morning and checked in ttd guest house.the journey from narasapuram to antarvedi was superb.lush green fields,coconut trees amidst godavari river , one of the worth seeing places i would say.after taking rest for some time i visited antarvedi lakshmi narasimha swamy temple.the temple timings are from 6 am to 7 pm .lord lakshmi narasimha is swayambhu and arrived on earth after sage vasishta performed penace for nara hari for rescuing his son from daemon raktavilochana.here the god is facing towards west and this one of the two vishnu temples where the god faces west , the other one being in srikurmam of srikukalam district.
the lord is said to be incarnation of peace and would fulfill the wishes of devotees.the main prominence of antarvedi is the sagara sangamam of godavari river.vasishta godavari which is part of godavari river converges with the bay of bengal at this place.this place is a 2km from temple and we can go by autos to some extent and there after by walk.the another attraction is sea beach which is very neat and one can find red crabs all over the place.the blood of red crabs is used for treatment of cancer.one can see the sangamam after climbing the light house but it was shut down at 4 pm in evening , hence i did not get the chance to view the sangamam from the top.there is vasishta ashramam near the antarvedi temple where sage vasishta performed penance for lord vishnu. the ashramam for orphans is run here and there is separate mandir for sapta rishis. the environment is very peaceful and one would feel like staying there. if you have to visit antarvedi then food is a bit problem for you as we dont find restaurants and very few 1 or 2 hotels are present which cook food on demand basis. but on the whole it is very nice place to visit during weekend.....
the lord is said to be incarnation of peace and would fulfill the wishes of devotees.the main prominence of antarvedi is the sagara sangamam of godavari river.vasishta godavari which is part of godavari river converges with the bay of bengal at this place.this place is a 2km from temple and we can go by autos to some extent and there after by walk.the another attraction is sea beach which is very neat and one can find red crabs all over the place.the blood of red crabs is used for treatment of cancer.one can see the sangamam after climbing the light house but it was shut down at 4 pm in evening , hence i did not get the chance to view the sangamam from the top.there is vasishta ashramam near the antarvedi temple where sage vasishta performed penance for lord vishnu. the ashramam for orphans is run here and there is separate mandir for sapta rishis. the environment is very peaceful and one would feel like staying there. if you have to visit antarvedi then food is a bit problem for you as we dont find restaurants and very few 1 or 2 hotels are present which cook food on demand basis. but on the whole it is very nice place to visit during weekend.....
Friday, September 4, 2009
YSR DEATH - A DISASTER
It was 1;30 PM on sept 2,2009.i left for lunch along with my colleagues. rest of people in canteen were glaring at tv anxiously.I was wondering what would have happened.the scrolling came up in tv9 saying the CM chopper was missing.i was taking it lightly as it might have been political stunt by congress govt.later after 20 min the scrolling came saying that CM chopper was found.i was joking with one of my colleagues that CM chopper was found but CM was not found.suddenly one guy stared at me as if he is going to bang me blue and black.i shutted my stupid mouth.after that i came back to my desk and started working .my colleagues were continously tracking the news of YSR chopper every 10 minutes.I thought its waste of time as he might have been safe some where and might be playing game.Around 5 pm one of my colleagues stated that YSR chopper was still not found and some thing unusual might have happened to him.Then some interest triggered me and i started looking at eenadu paper online for latest updates.At 6:30 PM my manager said it might be time for us to leave as YSR is not traced and he might have died.communial riots might have happen and its better to work from home ,he stated.i thought this might be thrash and govt is trying to create a big scene out of this , but later realised that some thing fishy is going on at background.my manager stated one single line " this is one instance that money cannot save people.people think that money can do every thing but there are certain things that money cannot do every thing.this is one of them".
It was 8 'o clock in the night that i left home having some kind of anxiousness in my mind thiking what might have happened to CM.After coming to home i was glued to TV 9 , where he is adding all kinds of assumptions ,masala , myths every thing he could.search operations were going on for CM but it was late night and in thick dense forest it was very difficult to trace the ch opper.that night some sort of anxiety aroused in my heart.I went to sleep wondering what
might have happened to CM. it was 8 am morning on sept 3 2009.i woke up with eagerness and anxiety to know the news about CM.i could see in tv that people were celebrating and got news
from some where that CM was safe.i was relaxed a bit , but later the news is a thrash .the sagar bharati team had found the chopper but unable to confirm whether the landing was safe or crash landing.at 9;00 am in the morning they revealed that the chopper had crash landing.now the tensions prevailed on the faces of all the people in India.the people who were celebrating just a while ago were anxiously waiting what could have happened.At 10:30 AM scrolling news
in Tv9 Stating that the 5 dead bodies were found at location where accident took place.now its almost confirmed that ysr is no more except the fact that official announcement is yet to come.it was 11'0 clock in morning the official announcement have come stating that YSr Along with 4 other persons were no more and chopper had crash landing.I really felt bad for the way the incident had occured.i thought may be YSR could have avoided that route as it was
raining heavily and choosen some other path.they could have come back to hyd instead of proceeding further.they could have hovered in sky for little time as the fuel in chopper can last for 3 hours.but thats the destiny for all of the 5 travelling the chopper.This was the valuable loss for the state of AP and also for India.we have lost no 1 CM and very efficient leader in country.i was in grief for some time though i dont have any relationship with him, i can understand the feeling his family members may be undergoing .i some times think why god punish people who does good things .Ysr has implemented many welefare programes for women, his arogyasri was one such scheme which the CM's of other states never thought of implementing it and does not how to implement it.He completed 17 projects in state and still other projects are going to start.Some say that he has instigated the hindus to convert to christians which made lord shiva angry and made him open 3rd eye .hence he was punished at rudra kota , rudra means shiva.some say that at last moment he criticized balaji saying its not 7 hills there are only 3 hills.Also he did not take action for lord balaji's jewels which were missing since last week .All these lead to his death . i dont how much of this should be believed,but i sincerely believe that god doesnot punish people for good things one does and its the fate that drives one's life.no one would have ever thought such a great leader would die in untoward circumstances.this is worst death for any one of his caliber.we all pray that his soul would rest in peace leaving the fate of AP on the shoulders of next capable leader like him.'
It was 8 'o clock in the night that i left home having some kind of anxiousness in my mind thiking what might have happened to CM.After coming to home i was glued to TV 9 , where he is adding all kinds of assumptions ,masala , myths every thing he could.search operations were going on for CM but it was late night and in thick dense forest it was very difficult to trace the ch opper.that night some sort of anxiety aroused in my heart.I went to sleep wondering what
might have happened to CM. it was 8 am morning on sept 3 2009.i woke up with eagerness and anxiety to know the news about CM.i could see in tv that people were celebrating and got news
from some where that CM was safe.i was relaxed a bit , but later the news is a thrash .the sagar bharati team had found the chopper but unable to confirm whether the landing was safe or crash landing.at 9;00 am in the morning they revealed that the chopper had crash landing.now the tensions prevailed on the faces of all the people in India.the people who were celebrating just a while ago were anxiously waiting what could have happened.At 10:30 AM scrolling news
in Tv9 Stating that the 5 dead bodies were found at location where accident took place.now its almost confirmed that ysr is no more except the fact that official announcement is yet to come.it was 11'0 clock in morning the official announcement have come stating that YSr Along with 4 other persons were no more and chopper had crash landing.I really felt bad for the way the incident had occured.i thought may be YSR could have avoided that route as it was
raining heavily and choosen some other path.they could have come back to hyd instead of proceeding further.they could have hovered in sky for little time as the fuel in chopper can last for 3 hours.but thats the destiny for all of the 5 travelling the chopper.This was the valuable loss for the state of AP and also for India.we have lost no 1 CM and very efficient leader in country.i was in grief for some time though i dont have any relationship with him, i can understand the feeling his family members may be undergoing .i some times think why god punish people who does good things .Ysr has implemented many welefare programes for women, his arogyasri was one such scheme which the CM's of other states never thought of implementing it and does not how to implement it.He completed 17 projects in state and still other projects are going to start.Some say that he has instigated the hindus to convert to christians which made lord shiva angry and made him open 3rd eye .hence he was punished at rudra kota , rudra means shiva.some say that at last moment he criticized balaji saying its not 7 hills there are only 3 hills.Also he did not take action for lord balaji's jewels which were missing since last week .All these lead to his death . i dont how much of this should be believed,but i sincerely believe that god doesnot punish people for good things one does and its the fate that drives one's life.no one would have ever thought such a great leader would die in untoward circumstances.this is worst death for any one of his caliber.we all pray that his soul would rest in peace leaving the fate of AP on the shoulders of next capable leader like him.'
Monday, August 31, 2009
software jokes 2
manager takes an interview for candidate
manager: where do u stay?how did u come
candidate: I stay at secbad.... i came by auto
manager: why secbad.come to kukatpally and stay here. you have 5 cinema theatres and all shopping mallls here.Buy Maruti Ritz car do not come by auto.
candidate: does not know wat to say,He thinks if I get your salary i will buy benz only why ritz.
manager: Tell me abt yourself
candidate:MY name is blah...blah... .I eat biryani during lunch.I have 2 glasses of cool drink.My hobbies r sleeping, sleeping,sleeping...........
Manager:No donot eat biryani .Its carconeginic.Cooldrink is not good for health.Eat only curdrice.Why not sitting and standing is ur hobby .Please make them as ur hobbies tooooo
Candidate: Does not know whether he is giving intrview or came for health consultation..
Manager: What is Java
candidate: JAVA is blah ....blah..........
manager: why it is not 'j' , 'a', 'v', 'a' .Wht is diffrence between java and c++
Candidate:Tells correct answer
manager: No, its wrong c++ has ++ in it.java doesnot have ++.
candidate: yeh kyaaa pagal hai..........
manager:If i remove 1 from 100 how much is it?
candidate: 99 .thinking he is selected..
manager: its 2 . coz removing 1 from 100 leaves u with two zeroes.Hence two is answer.
candidate: this interview is gone....I am out, no doubt .....
manager: there are 12 stations btween hyd and vijayawada,26 districts in AP, 7lakh population in hyderabad.Can you guess what is my age is .
candidate:> Mind blocked.Yeh kyaa ques hai....He thinks and answers 46 years.
manager: How did u say correctly...
candidate: There is semi crack guy opp my house whose age is 23 years....
manager: girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............Next ques....what is ur expected sal
candidate:1o lakhs
manager: for 10 years?see for past 2 years i dont have any hike, bonus u also dont expect it.we will give u 10laks for 10 years and this is the best package in this product industry .U can expect hike when our product is ready and is up in market after 5 years.But dont expect the hike to be greater than 1000rs.
candidate: totally confused. but coz of recession he is curious abt joining company.What is the product about.....
Manager: The product is milk product....now we have this product which is doodh peda(pluto) .We need to upgrade it to kalakand(ariel) so that customers like it well.There are few insects (bugs) in our product that we need to clean and project as fresh product.Already one customer from saudi has tasted our product and currently is in semi comatose state.After the maintenance pack release ( upgradation to kalakand) more customers are expected and based on their health conditions we may sell more numbers of milk product.You will have to clean all insects in doodh peda and make the peda as kalakand.Some times there may be insects which impact performance.They are low hanging fruits which are to be cleaned up......We are no 1 in making doodh peda and soon would be top 1 in making kalakand..
candidate:kahaa agayaaa hooon.I dont want to be part of this product.I will also become buggy like him '(manager) after few more days.But he reminds his flash back...... blind sister,legless mother, handless father, pennyless brother, motionless grandmother, speechless grandfather he has to accept the job based on the financial condition of his family because of his mindless manager..... story continues.........................................
manager: where do u stay?how did u come
candidate: I stay at secbad.... i came by auto
manager: why secbad.come to kukatpally and stay here. you have 5 cinema theatres and all shopping mallls here.Buy Maruti Ritz car do not come by auto.
candidate: does not know wat to say,He thinks if I get your salary i will buy benz only why ritz.
manager: Tell me abt yourself
candidate:MY name is blah...blah... .I eat biryani during lunch.I have 2 glasses of cool drink.My hobbies r sleeping, sleeping,sleeping...........
Manager:No donot eat biryani .Its carconeginic.Cooldrink is not good for health.Eat only curdrice.Why not sitting and standing is ur hobby .Please make them as ur hobbies tooooo
Candidate: Does not know whether he is giving intrview or came for health consultation..
Manager: What is Java
candidate: JAVA is blah ....blah..........
manager: why it is not 'j' , 'a', 'v', 'a' .Wht is diffrence between java and c++
Candidate:Tells correct answer
manager: No, its wrong c++ has ++ in it.java doesnot have ++.
candidate: yeh kyaaa pagal hai..........
manager:If i remove 1 from 100 how much is it?
candidate: 99 .thinking he is selected..
manager: its 2 . coz removing 1 from 100 leaves u with two zeroes.Hence two is answer.
candidate: this interview is gone....I am out, no doubt .....
manager: there are 12 stations btween hyd and vijayawada,26 districts in AP, 7lakh population in hyderabad.Can you guess what is my age is .
candidate:> Mind blocked.Yeh kyaa ques hai....He thinks and answers 46 years.
manager: How did u say correctly...
candidate: There is semi crack guy opp my house whose age is 23 years....
manager: girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............Next ques....what is ur expected sal
candidate:1o lakhs
manager: for 10 years?see for past 2 years i dont have any hike, bonus u also dont expect it.we will give u 10laks for 10 years and this is the best package in this product industry .U can expect hike when our product is ready and is up in market after 5 years.But dont expect the hike to be greater than 1000rs.
candidate: totally confused. but coz of recession he is curious abt joining company.What is the product about.....
Manager: The product is milk product....now we have this product which is doodh peda(pluto) .We need to upgrade it to kalakand(ariel) so that customers like it well.There are few insects (bugs) in our product that we need to clean and project as fresh product.Already one customer from saudi has tasted our product and currently is in semi comatose state.After the maintenance pack release ( upgradation to kalakand) more customers are expected and based on their health conditions we may sell more numbers of milk product.You will have to clean all insects in doodh peda and make the peda as kalakand.Some times there may be insects which impact performance.They are low hanging fruits which are to be cleaned up......We are no 1 in making doodh peda and soon would be top 1 in making kalakand..
candidate:kahaa agayaaa hooon.I dont want to be part of this product.I will also become buggy like him '(manager) after few more days.But he reminds his flash back...... blind sister,legless mother, handless father, pennyless brother, motionless grandmother, speechless grandfather he has to accept the job based on the financial condition of his family because of his mindless manager..... story continues.........................................
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